the complicated guy

hey so lately i have been so busy....don't know what im busy with really. ok so yeah.i have been in contact with this guy from a chat room. we texted each other for like 1 month plus. now he has not texted me for three days. so now im going to share with you guys my chat experience with him.

our first conversations were great. i see him as a very funny person. and whatever he says i can laugh at. i especially like to see memes (if you know what that means) n he has lots of that. chatting with him always makes me smile. i remembered the first conversation. he asked me if i got bf. i said yes to see his reaction when actually i do not have. it was a random lie which was initially meant to just disturb him but this lied got carried till now n he still thinks that i have a boyfriend. so yeah..i pity him on that. anyway, to me he is like chipsmore. he can msg me for days sometimes so long (6 hours) and then will stop for a few days.. this is the thing i dont understand. what is he thinking. sometimes i will take the initiative to msg him so that it will seem that i am not always the one who is waiting for him to text me first. but sometimes i am just afraid that i might be disturbing him.

talking about our relationship...i see our relationship as more than just friends though we have never met each other. to me at least, i know i like him but this is maybe due to his personality n nothing more than that. im not sure how he feels towards me. he told me a few times that he really like me. im not sure how far he is telling the truth. he calls me names such as dear, syg, gorgeous, beautiful n such. and again im not sure how far he actually meant what he said.

aniway. till now he has been thinking that i have a boyfriend and yet he is going after me. in fact he is a very direct person. he told me that he has been trying hard to win over me. there is this time where he actually wanted my half naked pic. i was quite shocked but i said yes. im not sure what brought me into saying that but i did. however i said that i will send the next morning.. he told me sth like "make me hard with ur pic aite" i swear i was not lying when i agreed. i really thot i will send him the pic. ive never done this stupid thing but i dont know what made me say yes. so after agreeing i actually took ard 1 to 2 hours listing all the pros and cons of doing that. i dont know what the cons are. probably just one- i get to please the person i like. however, the cons are so many. i started to imagine many wild things like he sending my parents the pic if we argue. so after much thought, i actually wrote a pretty long msg on why i decided not to send him the pic. after that we stopped msging each other for like 2 weeks. i deleted his number and i have to admit i tried many numbers to get his number back. finally he came back to me telling me lots of times that he actually missed me. i was actually kinda mad with him. not merajok but i just thought that: just because i do not want to send u the half naked pic u dun wanna contact me any more. i was certain then that he only cared about one thing: sex.

aniway, after like 2 week silence, he msg me first and we began to text each other almost. everyday. he still calls me by the usual names like dear, baby, gorgeous etc.  however, i kinda notice something a bit different abt him lately. there was this time i texted him. he sounded different. not as cheery and chirpy as he was before. i popped up a random qn to ask how he is feeling. he then said he was good. i asked again, suspecting that sth was not quite right. n he finally admitted to having personal issues. n he doesnt wish to discuss it with me. at that point, i was thinking what i really meant in his life. if he likes me, wouldnt he share his problems with me? putting that aside, after that i noticed a change in him. he did not text me as much. i need to initiate the text.
actually i know his working schedule. not being a stalker but its just easy to remember. he is a fireman so he worked 24 hours and 48 hours off. there was this time i knew he was not working but he told me he was. he has not msged me for like 3 days now and im not sure if i should initiate the text cos i dun wanna disturb him. im suspecting that there is sth wrong or he is having some problems in his life or heis just hiding sth from me.
im not sure if he is contacting another girl but my gut feeling is telling me yes n im guessing he is contacting his ex. he told me once that he and his ex are like having time off. n hte status of his relationship now is kinda complicated. so im assuming he has not yet ended his relationship with his ex. as such i have the feeling if he is just using me to get over his ex, n knowing that he is not able to do that, he is now patching with her.. of course i do not want to make any judgements just randomly. my gut feelings were all built up as i talked to him. in our conversation, he will sometimes talk abt his ex. n some of the things i feel is quite inappropriate for a guy to tell a girl that he likes. for instance, he told me that his ex loves to eat his cum.??n then when he masturbates, sometimes he will think of me, sometimes his ex???hmmmmmmmm...

ok so now it has been three days. i will not intiate the texting this time. guess i just have to wait.
will update soon.

dream gone real

i realised that dreams can mean a lot of things. ;(

dream interpretation

okay I wanna talk abt dreams. I know dreams at times do have meanings and I believe in that. so last night, I dreamt abt a baby. I was carrying a baby. im not sure whose baby it is  but I think it is my sister's. so I was holding the baby. why babies appear in my dreams? I think most prob because yesterday I was watching a video abt babies and laughing at them because they were too cute. the weird thing abt the baby is that the head is very lembik or soft whatever u call that. like theres some abnormality with the head. like its got a lot of water inside. sth like that. hmmm..why so weird leh the dream. ive heard this before;if u are pregnant, don't look at horrifying pictures. superstitious but to play safe, I will just not look if I get pregnant. tis means I will only have to look at nice pictures and handsome and pretty people lol including looking at the mirror always..lol. joking. that is why in islam, I think there are certain verses or surah in the quran that is good for you to read when u are pregnant. but of course we should not only read it for the sake of pregnancy n our child but make it a habit.hahahha.by the way, who is able to interpret my dreams?how come the baby's head is kinda abnormal?is that a sign of sth lol..

continuation of back pain

so the hospital actually referred me to the physiotherapist and I ve had my first session already. the guy's name is Jacob. at first he told me, do u need a female therapist but I told him im okay with both because I don't want him to feel rejected lol.. so he said I got muscle spasms and he did sth to my body. turned and twisted it lol. im not sure if its getting better. at the same time , im also taking muscle relaxant pills prescribed by the doctor from the hospital but u know what, the side effects are !$@#!#% everytime I eat the pills, I will feel extremely light headed, a feeling that I will just faint any moment. so its like I have to choose whether I wanna suffer with back pain or eat the pills but have that fainting feeling every moment. sometimes im not sure what to do so I just didn't eat it. hmmm..do all muscle relaxant pills give that side effects?terrible pills. okay back to the physiotherapist, he taught me some exercises to loose my muscles because he says it was tight. I did it every day three times. but im not sure if its improving my condition. haiz,,,,,terrible.actually I dun mind having a male therapist if all he does is teach me some exercises and touch here and there to ease my pain. my concern are things like massaging or having to open my clothes to check my condition. that's when I will feel uncomfortable maybe. im not afraid that I will get turned on by him cause I know I wont. lol just afraid he gets turned on by me. lolololoolololo.. omg perasannye aku. hahhaha. but whatever it is, anybody who has experienced the same condition as me, please shed some light. when will this thing go away. ive had enough of having low back pain n im only 21 years old okay......too young to have all these problems.

continuation of yesterday's story

so im not sure why ytday's post was left hanging like that. actually I posted more and it just got cut off.what happened???? okay but whatever, actually I wanted to talk about: being examined by an opposite gendered doctor.is that okay?hmmm..so like mentioned I got back pain for slightly more than three months and the doctor wanted to check if my spine got problems. so he needs to check for my anal tone. !@#$!#%!$%! u know how I embarrassed I was. omg. I know for some people this is no issue. but for me it IS. you may say that the doctor have probably seen it everyday so he doesn't mind. but I don't think so since he looks quite young probably just a few years older than e. its not that I think the doctor will do anything to me. besides, there is a female nurse by his side. so he can't possibly do anything. n that is also not my concern actually. my concern is embarrassment. I think the only person that has seen my tooooooooooooot is my mum and that too, when I was a baby. after that, no one else. so u should understand how uncomfortable I feel when someone wants to  look at mytoooooooooot. haiz......so when I refused the doctor to check, I asked him to call for a female doctor if there is. but I think all of them were busy so the doctor just say "its ok". and then wrote on the report. patient refuses dre to check for anal tone. loll!!!!!ok so that was abt it. a huge embarrassment. shouldn't have gone to the hospital haizzzzzzz.

last day of year 3 sem 1

so today is the last day of year 3 sem 1 in NUS. time flies so fast. it seems like just recently I applied for university admission. still remember the days where I will go to the letter box everyday to check if my application letter has arrived, and then my first few days in NUS- the blur days where I have trouble remembering which shuttle bus goes where. actually, up till now, I don't know which shuttle bus go where hahah..keep forgetting. just now, I took d1, thinking that it will go to science but actually nope. lol. what a blur student I am. 3 years and still blur as always. okay so whatever..I am not going to post abt uni stuff here. Will only write about it after I graduate so yeah..
So today I will actually post about something else. I have had lower back pain for 3 months :( sad rite. but seems like the pain is getting worse. so decided to go to the polyclinic one day because my mum asked me to. then went to geylang polyclinic and they refer me to the hospital but appointment is next year july..wtf rite. so long. so decided to go for myself as im afraid condition will get worse. so yeah went to this hospital a&e. waited like 123

hi again

hello everyone..i miss writing but then again im busy :) haiz...