Its always rare that I post something online. Even in reality, I do not usually express my feelings to people. As such, even the closest of my friends and my family members never really knew my true feelings. Sometimes, I do share my thoughts but I will not tell the whole story and I will hide some stuff. From my previous post, like i have said, I am heartbroken. And for the first time, I am feeling as such. I consider myself as quite a wise person (not to self praise but yeah.. LOL!) but when it comes to relationship, I am not sure why I am the most stupid girl ever. From my older posts, I have been writing about this guy that I have met online. We started chatting with each other since 19 January ( I remember the date) and till now. The last time he contacted me was yesterday night. So what got me heartbroken was this.. Hmmm. So we have been chatting everyday, several times, and few hours each time. Recently, I feel really emotionally attached to him. I cannot deny that I am starting to fall for him. Not love but just an attraction. Yes, the word is actually attraction or is just an infatuation. I am confused myself. So like always, when we were chatting, there will be times that he will suddenly disappear and not text me as much. Worse thing, it usually happened suddenly. That is why it makes me ponder. Is there anything that I have said to him that makes him angry and just disappear. I was sure I did not.
I remembered writing about his ex. And the feeling I got that he is not over his ex for some reasons. So that day, while chatting with him, I started to dig some information about his ex. He said that he has broken up long ago. The reason was that he did not like her character and attitude. He did not want the engagement but her mom was persistent. In the end, they got engaged but then broke up. This is what he told me.
So basically, when he went quiet for a few days, I actually looked at his facebook. We are not friends on facebook and I have already deactivated my facebook. But, due to overwhelming curiosity, I decided to check it. And I did found it. I was shocked that he actually reposted his engagement status at the same time I was chatting with him. Another bigger disappointment was he set his "so called ex fiancee" picture as his profile picture. Similarly, his fiancee also set their pic together as her profile picture. Only God understands how disapointed I am at this point in time. So all this while, I have been flirting with someone else's fiance? He could have told me that he is still with her and obviously, I would have backed out FROM THE START. I am not a slut so I won't steal someone else's fiance. Why did he even cheat? I just want these answers but I could not get it. It helps if some kind souls are able to help me answer these questions. COS I AM TRULY DISAPPOINTED. I am not at all angry. JUST PLAIN DISAPPOINTED BUT I AM NOT ABLE TO CRY. HOW COULD HE CHEAT?
I HATE YOU, SERIOUSLY. AND I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER.
I HATE YOU.
