Still remember the date very vividly. 14 July is the date that I left him. After I saw his photos with his fiancee. 2 months later. Exactly 2 months later, I met him 14 September was the date. After 2 months of meeting him and being the other woman, I finally quit. The reason is very simple. I am sick of becoming the other woman in his life. I am not his priority. Honestly speaking, I dont even know my place in his heart. I shall try to convince myself that he is really sincere in his words. That he really treasures me in my life. But when I think about it again, probably he does mean what he said but he still puts me second. It is really unfair for me sometimes. I love him and only him but he has someone else in his heart. I feel I dont have the right to push him into doing anything like breaking up with his fiancee. Besides, who am I? Technically, we are not even in a relationship. He has never explicitly told me that he loves me. In fact, it is very difficult for him to even say that word. He keeps using the word more than like. Makes me real confused of what he actually feels towards me. I guess I have to move on but right now, I simply can't because I am still hoping. Hoping that one day he will text me back and tell me that he wants me back. Hoping that one day he will break up with his fiancee and get back with me. Hoping that he will call off his marriage and propose me instead. But i guess that will just be hopes which will never translate into reality. I keep thinking about him. I have left him for more that a month but every single day, I kept thinking about him. Not only in the day but I have been dreaming about him almost every single night. Still remember my dreams vividly last night. I saw him. He has lost weight. He looks skinny. I kissed him. Even though its just a dream, I still feel happy. I have been praying for him everytime so that he will lead an easy life. I feel like texting him every single time but seems like, he is not interested in me anymore. Sometimes, I feel like he is trying to play me out. Because I am some young kid who does not know much about life, who does not know how to do a lot of things, who is naive.
I have sacrificed a lot for him. I crossed my limits for him. I decided to lose a thing that I valued much in my life to him even though I do not really know him. To think about it makes my heart aches a lot. But then again, I will try to stay positive because I believe that if two people are meant to be, they will eventually be. They may not be together now but if they are really fated to be together, they will meet some other time. Meanwhile, I will use my time wisely, to try and improve myself. Learn new things, improve my physical appearance etc. I am hoping that I will get a job very soon.
If it happens that he will be fined in court later, I am willing to do anything and work hard to earn money so that I will be able to help him. If he gets imprisoned, I will not hesitate to work hard and bail him so that he will get released.
