Indecisive girl I am.
I have left him so many times but I don't know why I am still with him. Just recently, I left him for three weeks. He made me promise not to contact him anymore but in the end, he was the one who ended up texting me back.
Sometimes, I wonder whether he can make a good husband FOR ME.
Let me share with you my HONEST thoughts about his values and attitude.
But first of all, let me tell you what kind of guy I am looking for.
I am looking for someone who can complete me. Basically, he needs to have what I am lacking. In short, he has to cover up my flaws and I will cover up his. In terms of interests, I think, he needs to at least make an attempt to show that he is somehow interested in my interests though I do not need him to be trying hard because that will seem awkward. I once got to know this guy. Just because he knows that I am from NUS, he talked about intellectual stuff with me and ask me all the chimp questions thinking that I am into discussing intellectual topics. C'mon. I have had enough discussing academic topics in school. Now you want to bring it outside? OMG.
In terms of views, I will expect him to roughly have the same views as me. It doesn't have to be exactly the same and I expect him to have a different perspective and views regarding certain issues which will encourage me to think from a different light. But then again, it can't be too different such that it cause us having a lot of conflicts, argument, misunderstandings, etc. I understand that my partner grows up in a different family setting, mix with different kinds of people and have a different love life from me so it is somehow acceptable that he should at least think a bit differently from me.
To be continued....
Sunday, 7 June 2015
Saturday, 11 April 2015
Inside the mind of the other woman
I have been reading posts about women writing stories directing it to the other woman. I could say that there is one standard pattern in all these posts. They put the other woman at a denigrating position, pictured her like some kind of slut/whore for stealing their man, see her as somehow desperate, low self-esteem, basically putting her in a negative spotlight.
But do you women even know what is going through in the mind of the other women?
So well, you should know what I have got to say about this as I have gone through this for around a year plus. Firstly, I would like to say that I do not like to play the blame-each-other-game. Things have happened and I would say that all three of us ( me, him, and you) are wrong in some way or the other. I am also aware that, when a relationship fails, I shouldn't just blame one party.
Has it ever crossed your mind that sometimes, we might not even know that he is engaged/married/attached and only got to know it after sometime which is when we have fallen head over heels for them? So is it our fault then that we fall for them not knowing they are in a relationship?
Have you ever thought that as much as it hurts you, it hurts us too because we are dealing with the exact same thing and no women likes the man they love to have another woman?
Have you ever thought about how much it hurts us that, though they gossip to us about you, tell us they will leave you, but in the end they chose to stay with you? Do you know that though we listen to all those crap promises and hope that he will do it one day, deep down in our hearts and minds, we know he loves you a lot and he will never do it. We are basically hoping for something that we know have a very slim chance of happening.
Have you ever thought about how much time we sacrificed for the man you loved in the hope that we might someday be with them? Even though we have no idea whether or not he will end up with us, we stayed because we loved him and it hurts us to leave him?
Do you have any idea that the other woman has basic moral principles and values just like you? Do you know that the other woman knows what we are doing is wrong and we are basically struggling hard to get out of this situation?
Do you have any idea that the other woman might think a lot about you, rejecting physical intimacy from your man, and not stealing much of his time though we love them a lot because we know they have you too.
Do you have any idea how hard we are struggling things on our end to make things work for all of us?
So these are basically some things that you might want to ponder. The guy that I met a year ago, is engaged. When I got to know him, I have no idea that he is still "officially" engaged, have bought a house together bla bla bla. So I have fallen for him not knowing all these things and then when I got to know about it, my world shattered. It hurts me a lot and I feel fucked up. I just left him a few days ago but it is very difficult for me. I love him a lot and I still do. I leave him for his fiancée. So that he is able to forget me and spend time with the fiancée. so that he is able to mend his relationship. Do you see how much of a sacrifice that is for me? So, always listen to the story from both sides. Thank you :)
But do you women even know what is going through in the mind of the other women?
So well, you should know what I have got to say about this as I have gone through this for around a year plus. Firstly, I would like to say that I do not like to play the blame-each-other-game. Things have happened and I would say that all three of us ( me, him, and you) are wrong in some way or the other. I am also aware that, when a relationship fails, I shouldn't just blame one party.
Has it ever crossed your mind that sometimes, we might not even know that he is engaged/married/attached and only got to know it after sometime which is when we have fallen head over heels for them? So is it our fault then that we fall for them not knowing they are in a relationship?
Have you ever thought that as much as it hurts you, it hurts us too because we are dealing with the exact same thing and no women likes the man they love to have another woman?
Have you ever thought about how much it hurts us that, though they gossip to us about you, tell us they will leave you, but in the end they chose to stay with you? Do you know that though we listen to all those crap promises and hope that he will do it one day, deep down in our hearts and minds, we know he loves you a lot and he will never do it. We are basically hoping for something that we know have a very slim chance of happening.
Have you ever thought about how much time we sacrificed for the man you loved in the hope that we might someday be with them? Even though we have no idea whether or not he will end up with us, we stayed because we loved him and it hurts us to leave him?
Do you have any idea that the other woman has basic moral principles and values just like you? Do you know that the other woman knows what we are doing is wrong and we are basically struggling hard to get out of this situation?
Do you have any idea that the other woman might think a lot about you, rejecting physical intimacy from your man, and not stealing much of his time though we love them a lot because we know they have you too.
Do you have any idea how hard we are struggling things on our end to make things work for all of us?
So these are basically some things that you might want to ponder. The guy that I met a year ago, is engaged. When I got to know him, I have no idea that he is still "officially" engaged, have bought a house together bla bla bla. So I have fallen for him not knowing all these things and then when I got to know about it, my world shattered. It hurts me a lot and I feel fucked up. I just left him a few days ago but it is very difficult for me. I love him a lot and I still do. I leave him for his fiancée. So that he is able to forget me and spend time with the fiancée. so that he is able to mend his relationship. Do you see how much of a sacrifice that is for me? So, always listen to the story from both sides. Thank you :)
Friday, 23 January 2015
Life of the Other Woman
If you all have read my posts, probably you would know by now that I am having a scandal with an engaged man. Basically I have known him a year plus. It is an on-off relationship. Off because I simply could not stand being the other woman & just left him without any notice. Personally, up till now, I shall say that both me and him are really unsure of each other. As you all know, I left him for a while the other time. On 14 November. After some time, I missed him too much I could not stand it and during the day that he was supposed to attend court for a traffic offence, I started texting him back and everything went well as if there was nothing wrong with us. Now, I have been seeing him for 1 week and we meet each other quite often. It hurts a lot to stay in this relationship knowing that he belongs to someone else but it hurts me more to leave him. I have always wanted to know his feelings towards his fiancee and me. If possible, I want him to be upfront. I think it is better for me to be hurt now knowing that he loves his fiancee more than me than to keep doubting his love for me and behave like some insecure girl. The other day, I met him and we were standing near my void deck and my father actually saw us. I was terribly shocked. And now, my family thinks that I am having a relationship with him. I dont know how to explain to them if they all know that he is actually engaged. Right now, I feel like i am stuck at the crossroads. I am not allowed to date other guys because he might get hurt and jealous. At the same time, I don't know where my relationship is going with him. I guess for as long as I am able to tahan, I will do it. But one day, if I lose patience, I might end up cheating on him. Since he wants me to stay with him and not leave him, I will do it. But if I see that our relationship is not going anywhere, I might have to date other guys and at the same time be with him. Worst, I got to know that he already bought a house with his fiancee under the fiance/fiancee scheme. From what I read from the HDB website, one is not allowed to change the name and replace it with his parents or his new fiancee. Hence, if he chooses to cancel the application, he might have to pay a huge sum of money as a forfeit. Besides that, he will not be able to apply for a new house for the next one year. Will he make that kind of sacrifices and leave his fiancee for me? I am really not sure if he has the guts to do that. Laws are laws. I dont know if there is any way one might be able to help us or make him pay less if he were to replace the name with someone else's. Whatever it is, I shall not hope so much. Let's just pray for the best. I believe that whatever happens is for the best of both of us.
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