I shall continue lying to myself.

I keep telling myself that I am stupid and that I should not text him, delete all traces of him and cut all ties with him. But seems that I am not able to keep to my words. I keep doing what I am not supposed to do. At times, I told myself I hate him. In actual fact, I kinda miss him. It seems difficult for me to accept the fact that he is actually engaged, that he sees me as a spare tyre and that he is actually cheating on me. 

Oh God why is this happening to me? Disappointed I am. I kept telling myself that I will have to distract myself and stop thinking of him. But I think too much about him to the extent that when I sleep, he appears in my dream. Why am I such a fool? ;( Yesterday, my hands were too itchy. I have actually deleted his number but yesterday, I started to add him back into my contact list. Not just that, I texted him. I realised I missed him a lot when I texted him. I was touched he replied my message to the extent that I felt like crying. I told him I was bored and he even told me to call him. But I said its ok. We chatted for a while after which I told him I need to do my school work. I realised I am becoming like a stalker and I keep checking his last seen. My hands should just stop being so itchy. Oh....how i missed you..really...when will this feeling go away?why am I such a weak person? all this while, I thought I am strong but I am definitely wrong. I am weak and I am a slave to my desires. I give in to my own passion. I could not take control of my own feelings. 

;( 

Heartbroken girl