As of tomorrow, It will be 2 months. 2 months that I know he is actually
engaged. 2 months of being heartbroken. So what has actually happened these
past two months. I remembered on the 14th of July, I told him that I want to
stop contacting him. He was in disbelief and asked me why I did so. I told him
the truth but in an indirect way. Specifically, I told him that I have the
feeling he is actually attached and just wanna use me to satisfy his lust. He
was kinda reluctant but said that if that is what I want, then he is fine with
that. The days after that were very difficult for me. I was not in the mood to
go lectures. Worst, this is actually my graduating semester. Besides having no
mood, I seriously do not understand anything that the lecturer was teaching us.
Urgh... frustating really. I was heartbroken but I felt I cannot cry.
Sometimes, I will check his fb, disappointed to find out him posting pictures
of his fiancee. A lot of questions were lingering in my mind. Why would he
wanna date me if he has a fiancee? I remembered just a few days before, he was
talking about how he do not like his ex fiancee and that he was pushed into the
engagement. Why then did he patch up now? From the photos on his timeline, I
was guessing that his fiancee is really into him. It can be seen clearly that
she loves him a lot. Anyway, I tried my very best to really stop contacting him
but after a while, I lost the game. In fact, during this period, I was kinda
depressed. I kept thinking about him day
and night to the extent that even when I was sleeping, I would dream about him.
So, on 7 of August I actually texted him to wish him Hari Raya. Actually, I
just wanna start a conversation with him. And I thought holidays will be a good
time for me to do that by wishing him. Our text was just one off. I wished him
and he wished me back. It ended there. I was kinda sad as I was hoping that he
would continue the conversation. So, the next day, early in the morning, when I
checked my phone, I was surprised to see his text. 8 of August was the date. So
he texted me first saying good morning. However, the text was quite short. We
were telling each other how we missed each other so much. But then, our
conversation turned into an argument when he said that I accused him. More
disappointing, he can still claim that he is single. I was like--- what the
hell? Why are you lying about something so obvious? Do you think I am some
child who is naive and stupid? He can still say--" I told you we broke
up" I was damn annoyed. Why can't you just admit? I felt that our
conversation was hanging so the next day, I took the opportunity to text him. 9
august was date. We texted for so long talking nonsense. I do not even know
what we talked about. Just crap I guess cos we like to talk crap anyways. So
our conversation was going along well until he brought up the topic again. He
asked whether I was still planning to not meet him. Then, I said I wont flirt
with an engaged man. He told me he respect my decision. And we argued quite a
bit before the conversation ended. I was heartbroken really. After that, we
stopped messaging each other for quite some time until the 18 of August, I
texted him back. I was the one who initiated the conversation cos I missed him
so much. We texted each other and he told me he wanna call me but then I
changed the topic. At night around 11 plus, he texted me again. I think that is because he wanna call me but
luckily I was sleeping. hehe.. I do not want to hear his voice cos i do not
want to argue again. Tired of arguing.
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